There may be several reasons for this. I've recently come to the end of a couple of writing projects with other people, which I'll inform about in due course. They've been very satisfying, more than, but have left me a bit barren, it seems.
And then there's what I find myself doing when I sit down at the computer.
The feeds: 3 new here, 5 there, blimey, 10 new there, I haven't been to so-and-so's for that long? You're all so delicious, and you all need to be done justice, and you often make me wonder quite what it is I should be doing myself. I sometimes think it might be easier to be one of those who only reads blogs and doesn't have one. From time to time I knock a few feeds off, people I think won't miss me, rather than because they aren't of interest, but then more come along...
Then lately I find I'm slipping off to the online papers, or Wikipaedia, reading and watching articles, videos, about Israel - Palestine. My comfortable ignorance wouldn't do any more, but the remedying of it is hardly better. I've a bad head for history and politics at the best of times; it was a vaguely intractable, sickening thing on the fringes of my awareness, now it's a more clearly defined intractable, sickening thing nearer the forefront of the same. I'm heavy-hearted with other people's suffering, anger, hatred, the endless rigmarole of whose grievance counts most and why, and all the while the fear and pain.
I long to take refuge in glibness and easy opinion, to be able to shrug off, make light of and discount what suits me, scoff at this or that as being no worse than something else, close down in that way. And why not, it would make no difference to anything? I have few certainties, and those I do allow for few conclusions. And I'm well aware that while something becomes the centre of attention for a while, the litany of unrecorded suffering goes on all the while. Which knowledge doesn't make anything any better either.
Of course snippets, a quote or two, a pastiche, a photo, a few crumbs thrown to the hungry blog-monster, are fine, and probably easier on one's readers anyway. But writing, and photographing, have been important to me here, and I don't want to lose that. I think perhaps I need to step back from the screen and keyboard a bit. My longhand notebooks go untouched; I can't blame anyone else for that, I suppose there are other things I pick up and do with my hands, but I think I'm going to try to reclaim them.
This probably won't last long, it doesn't usually. I don't have a lot of time for people agonising about blogging, though I've done my share of it; I tend to think one should just get on with it or shut up, since overall it's not that important. But what I think I will do, and this was something I was considering doing a month or two back, on the suggestion of a couple of very nice encouraging readers, is go back over my archives, and dig out what I thought were the better pieces, go over and edit them a bit, and from time to time post links to them here, with a comment or two. Some of them might be of interest, and it might help me to feel a bit clearer about what I want to get out of this activity on the basis of what has worked in the past.
So I'll be back with something soon. Thanks for being around.